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Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Endless hatred.
Is there such a thing?
Actually, do I really hate that person or is it just envy?
I secretly think it's just envy. Really.
Envious that no harm has been inflicted on her, that she continues her happily ever after fairy tale with some other person, that she is still able to see light at the end of some tunnel she accidentally went into.
Envious that Karma is so minimal, that no one even noticed it's work on her. That even I begin to question if there was one to begin with.
Maybe it hasn't started, you may comfort me. But I know better.
People forget very fast. Especially when they are not the ones hurt or injured.
If you slapped a person and caused a bruise, true, guilt may gnaw on you for a few days if you keep seeing that bruise on the victim. But if the person never appear in your life after that slap; or the bruise heals - you forget about it.
But that person would remember; the pain that was inflicted, the trauma of having been humiliated and shamed by one single slap.
Why am I back to where I was again?
I thought I'd moved on....
In fact. I realized I never did.
I just covered up well. That's all.
Maybe all the people in this world never did too; this kind of things that happened to them. These lessons would cause them to make decisions differently, live their lives differently, even think and speak differently.
Perhaps it's because I've heard and saw too much for my comfort recently; which explains this regression.
Plus not to mention my temperament is not exactly at its ideal for emotional crisis management.
I don't know....
Maybe I'm just looking for an excuse.
To show everyone how pathetic I am.
Maybe someone should do something.
Maybe I should.
Actually, do I really hate that person or is it just envy?
I secretly think it's just envy. Really.
Envious that no harm has been inflicted on her, that she continues her happily ever after fairy tale with some other person, that she is still able to see light at the end of some tunnel she accidentally went into.
Envious that Karma is so minimal, that no one even noticed it's work on her. That even I begin to question if there was one to begin with.
Maybe it hasn't started, you may comfort me. But I know better.
People forget very fast. Especially when they are not the ones hurt or injured.
If you slapped a person and caused a bruise, true, guilt may gnaw on you for a few days if you keep seeing that bruise on the victim. But if the person never appear in your life after that slap; or the bruise heals - you forget about it.
But that person would remember; the pain that was inflicted, the trauma of having been humiliated and shamed by one single slap.
Why am I back to where I was again?
I thought I'd moved on....
In fact. I realized I never did.
I just covered up well. That's all.
Maybe all the people in this world never did too; this kind of things that happened to them. These lessons would cause them to make decisions differently, live their lives differently, even think and speak differently.
Perhaps it's because I've heard and saw too much for my comfort recently; which explains this regression.
Plus not to mention my temperament is not exactly at its ideal for emotional crisis management.
I don't know....
Maybe I'm just looking for an excuse.
To show everyone how pathetic I am.
Maybe someone should do something.
Maybe I should.