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Casino Spiele

My Tw|t Garden
Monday, February 14, 2011

The freaking last thing I need on my plate now is a sensitive/ insensitive partner.

You know how much it sucks to have problems after problems that never get solved and then there's no end to it even after you finish work?

I wished for a haven to come home to. One where there will be proper interaction rather than people who talk to you with eyes glued to the box that projects images of sexy sirens and comedians.

One where I could have eye contact with the person who gives me a loving massage rather than looking at the back of him, imagining his eyes still glued to the freaking box.

I didn't ask you to solve my problems.

I asked for a listening ear.

Something that all women wanted and no man could give - to just listen.

But men are not born to listen, they're made for greater things like solving problems, devising solutions and taking burdens off your load.

Too bad at this moment, all I needed was just ventilation.

And too bad - I have to settle for someone who wouldn't settle for just that.

And so I decided to keep quiet. And keeping quiet leads to this - you know what.

Hey, come on, I've been sitting in the living room interacting with the baby and trying to get you involved - but obviously the box attracts you more than us - what do you mean by my eyes are on my phone?

They went focussing on my phone because they have no one's eyes to focus on - they can't find any.

Frankly speaking - does your conscience tell you that my eyes were glued to my phone first rather than yours on the box?

If so, then I sincerely apologize.

Because the phone was not an object of entertainment for me; it was purely a tool to aid my problem solving.


You know?

I'm deeply hurt.

More so because this is not the first time I felt overwhelmed and realized I had no proper support.

The kind of support that I would prefer, not the kind that you prefer to give.

I'm demanding too much.

Maybe I should stick with solving my own problems and keeping my emotions to myself.

Back to square 1.

Because at the end of the day - a woman is the one who should play supportive roles to her man; never once did anyone mention about who is to support her.

I should presume they get self sufficient and lick their own freaking wounds like cats do.


So now I'm gonna try licking my enormously gigantic and bleeding wound till I fall asleep - only to engage in more brain cells zapping with freakish nightmares.


Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really justified to receive everything good just because I have been let down.

No one is, anyway.

The only reason that justifies the goodness that follows you is that you've worked hard for it.

Of course working right is another important criteria.

Maybe I've been working the wrong way; maybe I haven't been working hard enough.

I reckon goodness comes and goes like the wind in the willow - unpredictable and terrifyingly uncomfortable.

When the wind depletes, I get breathless and anxious - anxious for the next wind, yet frightful of what is about to follow.

A thunderstorm?

A hurricane or typhoon?

I never know until it comes right in my face.

Oh and the scars still throb at the slightest rain.

The rain comes down on it like acid on the skin; fiercely corroding every single layer till the raw skin exposes itself to more pain.

Is this why I never heal, I wonder?

I know the rain would never cease to come; it's only a natural phenomenon - no one is guaranteed of good moods till the end of time.

Maybe it's time to armour up so the scars would never be exposed again.

Yet wouldn't it kill me of feelings and emotions?

Just as it would stop the wind in the willow from livening up tired spirits and weary souls?

Life is always about teetering on the line of grey - casting doubts upon oneself as to whether to jump over to the black or white.

Nobody could say the other is better. The only comfort in being on the grey is that there are many of us facing the same dilemma.

I only feel alone; I know for a fact I'm not.

In fact, some of us may be having it worse than I'm already getting.

I just gotta keep on working at it - extracting every ounce of goodness that is to fall in my path.

And hopefully be able to fend off the rain with a humble heart.

Sadness does follow after the rain - but who is to say that the rainbow wouldn't come?