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Casino Spiele

My Tw|t Garden
Thursday, July 12, 2012

It's 1.39am and I'm awake.

I gave my feverish eldest son some antipyretic medication.

Stared at how much he has grown over the years.

Then continued to stare at my second born for a little while, wondering how on earth did I end up with two wonderful boys like them.

After much emotional moments, I went back to my room where my baby girl was sleeping.

She looks beautiful with her tiny bolster in her embrace.

She cried a little, maybe due to a nightmare, but was soon back to sleep after some soothing cuddle.

I have three angels. Sent from heaven. Bestowed to me. So I could care and nurture them the way God wanted me to.

I suddenly feel really blessed.

Despite the occasional sadness and turbulent, I feel really loved by these little angels, even as they sleep.

Then I crept up to the man who'd made all of them possible... And I stared at him for the longest time.

This man... He had given me more than I asked for in this lifetime.

Not all the good, but enough for me to make me who I am today.

It's true I still feel the tinge of sadness overcoming my soul as I remembered...

Yet I can't help but love this very man who'd given me sorrow.

He looks so fragile when asleep.

Like he needs a shelter or some hot soup to warm his heart.

This man had weathered much since birth...

And I realized that he never had what our children have, and it'd forever leave a scar in his life.

This scar is meant for me to sooth. But how much should I take to complete my mission in life, that God has given me?

I love him to bits, yet I'm troubled by my unhealed, broken heart.

We've just finished a movie. At home of course.

Actually it ended with me finishing up the movie and that silly man falling asleep on the couch in the most awkward position.

It's a silly movie: Hall Pass.

Yet it taught me meaningful stuff.

That it takes two hands to clap and two very much in love couples to make a marriage work, monogamously.

I can never rewrite history.

Nor can I erase everything that'd happen.

I can curse the perpetrator my whole life.

Yet the fact that she had taken part of my happiness away would never change.

I'm living a much ironic life.

And between love and hate, I choose the former.

Not because I'm a forgiving saint who speaks of love, but because I truly feel that there's a lesson I'm made to take home and not let history repeat.

I'm scared.

And I've no one to say it to.

Because I've painted myself to be such a strong woman, even he's believing it, I cannot afford to let others know that I'm truly scared.

Like a drenched homeless puppy left out in the cold, I'm helpless.

At the mercy of what fate has in store for me.

I try not to think too much.

After all, I've three wonderful angels to help me get through all these.

What more could I ask for?

Time to check on his fever again.

I wish for everyone to have a happy, monogamous marriage. Everyone.

Good night cyber world.