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Saturday, June 23, 2012
It is a big revelation.
Or rather, I have finally come to terms with reality. This world. Knows nothing but pain and sorrows, all because human refuses to work hard for happiness and bliss. Human thinks that the latter is guaranteed, an entitlement. Sadly, they're not. We have to work our asses off to get there. Somehow, not everyone gets that. I do. I need to get there. But maybe not with my current company. Working hard seems to be a major issue here. It's either a delusional perception of working hard, or a self hypnotic distorted lazy bum pretending to be hardworking. Either way, it's just me putting words into others mouth. I'm all used to this accusation. The ring's off, connections cut. What saddens me is what would be the aftermath. The 3 little innocent mistakes I've helped create. You have given me enough guidance. I finally know what You have always meant. From the first sign You gave me till now, I've been denying the real meaning behind Your intention. I finally woke up today. Should I even go back there and listen to why I wasn't saved by my knight in shining armor when I was dying? Or listen to some other lame excuses cooked up to justify an inappropriate action? It's a chicken and egg issue here. Or rather, it's an issue that a battered wife always battles with. I'm much luckier. You've given me enough enlightenment. I'm sorry I've failed to heed Your advice earlier. It's a punishment. My three little mistakes. The guilt I have to carry for the rest of my breathing life. This is even more painful than betrayal. And now I've becomed the guilty one myself. I know You will continue to guide me, and I hope from now on, I will not doubt Your guidance even if it seems unbecoming of You to even suggest. A person who lets another' heart break time and again, who doesn't flinch at her sorrowful tears, who time and again abandons her when she most needs him - does not deserve her. Even if it is because of a sad tragic childhood. Even if it's because she's an asshole. Even if she does not deserve love. A normal, warmhearted soul would definitely pick her up when she falls and give her a bandaid. This time I'm really really done. Mixed feelings but really done. Last night sort of sealed it. And this morning, it was made invisible. Gone, never to be retrieved ever. RIP. |