Embrace the s0j0urn

Thursday, March 3, 2011

It's hard to put a message across to you with your constant interruptions of argument and denial.

It is a fact that you get moody when you're tired - and working too much or grabbing graveyard shifts make you become the person I hate most to be with.

I know it's tough to be the breadwinner and having to be the one to pay all the bills in the house; I never once doubted the tremendously stressful task.

All I ask is to live realistically and leave everything else to God.

We're not overspending.

We simply have extra mouths to feed and raise.

You told me you won't be tired or grouchy even though you would be working your ass off - it's not true.

And every time I try to point this out to you, I get snubbed.

I'm sick of being snubbed.

I'm just gonna ignore that this is happening and stay within my own boundary.

But I thought you should know - that this would push me farther away from you.

I can already feel the distancing effect coming on.

I'm slowly withdrawing.

Lest I allow myself to get hurt.

If only you would just listen to me talk for once, and not refute every single one of my expressed thoughts to you.

I feel like a total waste of my breath every time it happens.

In case you were wondering - why I never finished most of my sentences these days... I supposed you were too glad I got 'shut upped' by your rebuttals to even notice, right?

I feel so lonely these days. I've to resort to talking to myself to release the pressure building inside of me.

You said you were not tired.

But when you were truly 'not tired', I actually felt you presence. At least more so than now.

Then you get sick.

And I had to struggle between feeling awful for you and feeling that you deserve it.

In the end, I simply got worried.

And more frustrations build up.

I wonder if keeping Isabelle had been a good decision.

I wonder if I should've just listened to you and made her go to heaven before her small little limbs were formed.

I really don't need a lot of money...

I just need a happy, healthy you.

:(


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