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Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Sometimes I wonder if I'm really justified to receive everything good just because I have been let down.
No one is, anyway.
The only reason that justifies the goodness that follows you is that you've worked hard for it.
Of course working right is another important criteria.
Maybe I've been working the wrong way; maybe I haven't been working hard enough.
I reckon goodness comes and goes like the wind in the willow - unpredictable and terrifyingly uncomfortable.
When the wind depletes, I get breathless and anxious - anxious for the next wind, yet frightful of what is about to follow.
A thunderstorm?
A hurricane or typhoon?
I never know until it comes right in my face.
Oh and the scars still throb at the slightest rain.
The rain comes down on it like acid on the skin; fiercely corroding every single layer till the raw skin exposes itself to more pain.
Is this why I never heal, I wonder?
I know the rain would never cease to come; it's only a natural phenomenon - no one is guaranteed of good moods till the end of time.
Maybe it's time to armour up so the scars would never be exposed again.
Yet wouldn't it kill me of feelings and emotions?
Just as it would stop the wind in the willow from livening up tired spirits and weary souls?
Life is always about teetering on the line of grey - casting doubts upon oneself as to whether to jump over to the black or white.
Nobody could say the other is better. The only comfort in being on the grey is that there are many of us facing the same dilemma.
I only feel alone; I know for a fact I'm not.
In fact, some of us may be having it worse than I'm already getting.
I just gotta keep on working at it - extracting every ounce of goodness that is to fall in my path.
And hopefully be able to fend off the rain with a humble heart.
Sadness does follow after the rain - but who is to say that the rainbow wouldn't come?
No one is, anyway.
The only reason that justifies the goodness that follows you is that you've worked hard for it.
Of course working right is another important criteria.
Maybe I've been working the wrong way; maybe I haven't been working hard enough.
I reckon goodness comes and goes like the wind in the willow - unpredictable and terrifyingly uncomfortable.
When the wind depletes, I get breathless and anxious - anxious for the next wind, yet frightful of what is about to follow.
A thunderstorm?
A hurricane or typhoon?
I never know until it comes right in my face.
Oh and the scars still throb at the slightest rain.
The rain comes down on it like acid on the skin; fiercely corroding every single layer till the raw skin exposes itself to more pain.
Is this why I never heal, I wonder?
I know the rain would never cease to come; it's only a natural phenomenon - no one is guaranteed of good moods till the end of time.
Maybe it's time to armour up so the scars would never be exposed again.
Yet wouldn't it kill me of feelings and emotions?
Just as it would stop the wind in the willow from livening up tired spirits and weary souls?
Life is always about teetering on the line of grey - casting doubts upon oneself as to whether to jump over to the black or white.
Nobody could say the other is better. The only comfort in being on the grey is that there are many of us facing the same dilemma.
I only feel alone; I know for a fact I'm not.
In fact, some of us may be having it worse than I'm already getting.
I just gotta keep on working at it - extracting every ounce of goodness that is to fall in my path.
And hopefully be able to fend off the rain with a humble heart.
Sadness does follow after the rain - but who is to say that the rainbow wouldn't come?