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Sunday, December 26, 2010
Sometimes... It just hurts.
It hurts no matter what.
The same kind of heartache I had felt as a kid... When I was left alone to nothingness... With no one to share my thoughts and misery... Misunderstood and unwanted.
I never realized how much the kind of life I'd led as a kid would affect what I do now.
It simply hurts to be alone.
And now... Finally, I have him to share the hurt.
It doesn't matter who caused it... Because whoever did, has given me the opportunity not to be alone anymore.
Days like Christmas, new year and birthdays would continue to remind me of the times when I have spent them alone while he galavanted..
Yet it's days like these he tries so hard to create new memories with me in them.
And I so appreciate his efforts.
I've always wanted to step into a church to ask God why He'd allowed such pain to penetrate me...
Yet today, for the first time when I had the opportunity to speak with Him...
I did not question Him.
Instead... I thanked Him for all that has happened and I decided to put my faith in what has to come.
It was automatic. Pure magical.
Perhaps more hurt and pain would be waiting... Perhaps... The time would come when all would be bygones and we'd be free of the past.
I won't wanna think anymore.
Because right this moment... I have the best gift anyone could give me...
And I intend to be the best gift he deserves since he was a kid.
I wanna take away his pain too... Just like he's slowly taking away mine.
:)
It hurts no matter what.
The same kind of heartache I had felt as a kid... When I was left alone to nothingness... With no one to share my thoughts and misery... Misunderstood and unwanted.
I never realized how much the kind of life I'd led as a kid would affect what I do now.
It simply hurts to be alone.
And now... Finally, I have him to share the hurt.
It doesn't matter who caused it... Because whoever did, has given me the opportunity not to be alone anymore.
Days like Christmas, new year and birthdays would continue to remind me of the times when I have spent them alone while he galavanted..
Yet it's days like these he tries so hard to create new memories with me in them.
And I so appreciate his efforts.
I've always wanted to step into a church to ask God why He'd allowed such pain to penetrate me...
Yet today, for the first time when I had the opportunity to speak with Him...
I did not question Him.
Instead... I thanked Him for all that has happened and I decided to put my faith in what has to come.
It was automatic. Pure magical.
Perhaps more hurt and pain would be waiting... Perhaps... The time would come when all would be bygones and we'd be free of the past.
I won't wanna think anymore.
Because right this moment... I have the best gift anyone could give me...
And I intend to be the best gift he deserves since he was a kid.
I wanna take away his pain too... Just like he's slowly taking away mine.
:)