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Monday, December 13, 2010
Looking forward to the day Isabelle would be born.
Then I could be skinny once more. I wish all three kids would grow up fast so I could spend the rest of my life living a romantic life with Chris. They'd be great kids; not because I'd stress them to be, but because in my heart, they'd be great irregardless of the way they turn out... It's a mother's perception. No pressure on them... they just need to grow up to be THEMSELVES. I dream and dream so hard of the day when Chris and I would be able to holiday together without having to worry about diapers and breast milk. Can you imagine he didn't throw any major temper for the past two weeks? He was trying THIS hard to make our annual leave relaxed and happy. Kudos to my beloved for the effort. Sometimes his tenacity to change marvels me. Even though I secretly know that most of it would revert once the work week starts. This I have to take with a pinch of salt. He wasn't really taught how to express his emotions well enough as a child. Anger seems to be the only emotion that wouldn't reflect vulnerability. He hates to show others vulnerability. Stress, sadness, frustrations, fear, etc are all signs of vulnerability - which explains the frequent bouts of angry episodes. Anger covers up vulnerability. This, I've learned from a book. Books give people such great knowledge. Sometimes I wished he'd read more often. My Isaac is like me. He loves to read. He has such love for words and books that he amazes me with his vocabulary capacity at this tender age. And Ian, I love his courage and never-fear little heart. His capacity to empathize at 15 months marvels me extremely. I wonder what Isabelle would be like. Chris says she'd be like me... lovely, yet live like a man. In other words a TOMBOY. That's fine too. As long as she has big eyes. Oh please have big eyes! 19 more weeks to go before I see her! This definitely brings a smile to my weary heart. I need all the perks to get through fighting pain in a daily regime. I'm glad at this point in time... I'm on a roller coaster high. Wondering when the low rides are coming... Sigh. It's like standing on a rug constantly fearing that someone would pull it and make me fall... Always kept on tenterhooks. Such painful anticipation. Sigh. |