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Saturday, November 27, 2010

I don't know how other people do it.




Pretending that nothing happened and its all good.




Walking down memory lane hurts.




And it still pricks me like it was yesterday.




Suddenly I have this feeling that it'll never go away.




That she'll be forever haunting me.




And he'll never react the way I wished he would.




Please. Don't treat it as if it was no big deal.




On the contrary, it was helluva BIG deal for me.




It had crushed me. And it continues to crush me to this day.




This is not something you can joke about or laugh it off like it was a comedy.




Knowing how to get home when you got lost because you knew where she lives is a BIG deal.




Yes, I don't wanna elaborate.




Because I know that when I read this ten, twenty years down the road, I'll still remember what I meant by that sentence I wrote.




I don't have to elaborate.




It burns deep and painful.




It would leave another scar.




To my already scar-filled heart.




Yes, telling the truth or lying to me both leave me sad and devastated.




There is no way you could've protected me from the pain.




You'd lost that right years ago.




Now everything done to recover it just means more pain for me.




More so because she is so near me.




She's like a shadow that I cannot shake off.




A phantom determined to ruin whatever pride that's left of me.




All these, because I chose to lose to her.




I'm certain I've lost once and would lose forever to her.




Please don't pretend that it doesn't matter.




One walk down memory lane can leave me devastated for days.




This is how affected I was, and still is.




Sometimes I really wished someone would erase this part of my life out of my memory.




That way, I'd be able to stand tall once again and not live in the shadow of shame.




She'd shamed me. He'd shamed me. And I can never get out of that deep well of shame I've fallen so deep into.




I'm such an ugly loser.