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Thursday, October 21, 2010
Spent most of last night staring at the darkened ceiling.
I'm surprised my eyes aren't swollen this morning.
It's times like this that I feel exceptionally vulnerable, lonely and useless.
Yet it's also times like this that everyone seems to back away.
I need a break.
Otherwise I'll be the one to break.
Walking round the neighborhood didn't help. It made me tired yes; but sleep didn't find me.
Instead... I found two coins on the dusty, abandoned road.
I saved them, cleaned them up and now they're reborned.
I must be out of my mind.
It's just a couple of coins.
Since I'm done with digressions... I'd better write some concrete stuff.
I've got some major antenatal depression going on; self diagnosed.
I knew I'm never gonna have it easy for life the day sanity left me.
Pregnancy - it's the killer.
It's just amazing how I'm still able to perform at work.
It's like I have a split personality or something.
All else is a mess.
I should really consider ligation after Isabelle is born.
No more accidents.
I can't afford it.
Or rather... my sanity couldn't.
Sometimes I wonder if people really need medication to treat the ill mind.
I had somehow reckoned that its really all about control.
And time.
Certain times are simply out of control, and others... they managed.
Am I writing sense?
Sometimes when I get these bouts of insanity I write nonsense; I know because I review my past entries. Frequently.
Reviewing them helps me learn from past mistakes and I grow wiser.
Thus I KNOW for a fact that, this will all come to pass.
And I'll be happily in love once again.
Nope, didn't have high hopes that he would cope better this time round.
He can never cope with bad stuffs; especially with my mental state.
I'm just glad he's still holding my hand.
Others would've left long ago.
So this is once again, my own battle.
Me and me alone.
Gosh, it is dark in here.
I'm surprised my eyes aren't swollen this morning.
It's times like this that I feel exceptionally vulnerable, lonely and useless.
Yet it's also times like this that everyone seems to back away.
I need a break.
Otherwise I'll be the one to break.
Walking round the neighborhood didn't help. It made me tired yes; but sleep didn't find me.
Instead... I found two coins on the dusty, abandoned road.
I saved them, cleaned them up and now they're reborned.
I must be out of my mind.
It's just a couple of coins.
Since I'm done with digressions... I'd better write some concrete stuff.
I've got some major antenatal depression going on; self diagnosed.
I knew I'm never gonna have it easy for life the day sanity left me.
Pregnancy - it's the killer.
It's just amazing how I'm still able to perform at work.
It's like I have a split personality or something.
All else is a mess.
I should really consider ligation after Isabelle is born.
No more accidents.
I can't afford it.
Or rather... my sanity couldn't.
Sometimes I wonder if people really need medication to treat the ill mind.
I had somehow reckoned that its really all about control.
And time.
Certain times are simply out of control, and others... they managed.
Am I writing sense?
Sometimes when I get these bouts of insanity I write nonsense; I know because I review my past entries. Frequently.
Reviewing them helps me learn from past mistakes and I grow wiser.
Thus I KNOW for a fact that, this will all come to pass.
And I'll be happily in love once again.
Nope, didn't have high hopes that he would cope better this time round.
He can never cope with bad stuffs; especially with my mental state.
I'm just glad he's still holding my hand.
Others would've left long ago.
So this is once again, my own battle.
Me and me alone.
Gosh, it is dark in here.