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My Tw|t Garden
Saturday, October 16, 2010

My heart is aching so bad...

I just realized something... Something that dawned on me after almost ten years...

Something I must keep to myself no matter what.

I'm so devastated.

To allow myself to continue in disillusionment.

For so so long.

Damn, my heart is really ACHING badly.

The last I felt this way was...

Never mind.

I'm fine with what I have despite the ache.

I'm telling myself that it all may not be worth it in the end, but I've led a life answerable to God.

I try so hard at everything I do. I make sure I deliver the best if not the most excellent.

I dabble not in betrayal, deceit, revenge nor all other morality vices.

My moral values are the ones I treasure the most.

Yet I've indulged in hitting myself with all these vices.

I must be a fool.

Yes. A fool.

Right now, lying alone on this dreaded bed in the dark, I face the demon alone.

The aching heart doesn't help the situation at all.

But I'm comforted.

That all these would come to pass, as I begin my life without disillusions.

Reality sucks; I know. But at least it's real.

To have and to hold someone by my side is real.

Everything else...

Is history.

I always deliver what I promise.

And I promise myself that I'll do everything I can...

To get myself out of this mental mess.

Time for bed. I need a dreamless night. Please. Dreamless.