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Saturday, October 16, 2010
My heart is aching so bad...
I just realized something... Something that dawned on me after almost ten years...
Something I must keep to myself no matter what.
I'm so devastated.
To allow myself to continue in disillusionment.
For so so long.
Damn, my heart is really ACHING badly.
The last I felt this way was...
Never mind.
I'm fine with what I have despite the ache.
I'm telling myself that it all may not be worth it in the end, but I've led a life answerable to God.
I try so hard at everything I do. I make sure I deliver the best if not the most excellent.
I dabble not in betrayal, deceit, revenge nor all other morality vices.
My moral values are the ones I treasure the most.
Yet I've indulged in hitting myself with all these vices.
I must be a fool.
Yes. A fool.
Right now, lying alone on this dreaded bed in the dark, I face the demon alone.
The aching heart doesn't help the situation at all.
But I'm comforted.
That all these would come to pass, as I begin my life without disillusions.
Reality sucks; I know. But at least it's real.
To have and to hold someone by my side is real.
Everything else...
Is history.
I always deliver what I promise.
And I promise myself that I'll do everything I can...
To get myself out of this mental mess.
Time for bed. I need a dreamless night. Please. Dreamless.
I just realized something... Something that dawned on me after almost ten years...
Something I must keep to myself no matter what.
I'm so devastated.
To allow myself to continue in disillusionment.
For so so long.
Damn, my heart is really ACHING badly.
The last I felt this way was...
Never mind.
I'm fine with what I have despite the ache.
I'm telling myself that it all may not be worth it in the end, but I've led a life answerable to God.
I try so hard at everything I do. I make sure I deliver the best if not the most excellent.
I dabble not in betrayal, deceit, revenge nor all other morality vices.
My moral values are the ones I treasure the most.
Yet I've indulged in hitting myself with all these vices.
I must be a fool.
Yes. A fool.
Right now, lying alone on this dreaded bed in the dark, I face the demon alone.
The aching heart doesn't help the situation at all.
But I'm comforted.
That all these would come to pass, as I begin my life without disillusions.
Reality sucks; I know. But at least it's real.
To have and to hold someone by my side is real.
Everything else...
Is history.
I always deliver what I promise.
And I promise myself that I'll do everything I can...
To get myself out of this mental mess.
Time for bed. I need a dreamless night. Please. Dreamless.