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Friday, October 1, 2010
I have no idea why...
Why people do the things they do.
I've always assumed it's pregnant women's prerogative to request for the most absurd and yet manage to get them.
I don't ask for the most absurd.
Just some ridiculous pining for certain food and super tender loving care without questions asked.
Maybe the characters on television are too fake for real life. How those self sacrificial spouses who go all the way to give and provide.
Are your husbands like that when you were pregnant?
Or you have partners who sigh out loud and make faces when you ask to eat some weird food day in and out?
Do you have partners who think you are the most ridiculous pregnant woman in the world; one who cries almost every day?
I doubt my self worth everyday.
So much so that I've forgotten how important I had been once in the life of my own. The grandeur I've felt about myself seems like something that happened in my past life.
I know that happiness is a choice. And so are many things in life.
We make the wrong move; mourn over it a little while, and move on.
The only reason why I'm always stuck in the rut... I could never understand why.
Sometimes I really wished I could start over.
On a clean slate.
This time I'll never have let my mental state get this bad.
I'd have created a different history altogether.
One where I'd still feel important in my own way; if not a special someone.
One where I'd never hear snide remarks almost every other day... And yet being told that I'm too sensitive and imagining things.
Maybe I really am.
Imagining things.
Maybe I just have to wake up from my imagination and smell the dead rats.
There's no coffee.
There's just a stack of shit waiting.
Why people do the things they do.
I've always assumed it's pregnant women's prerogative to request for the most absurd and yet manage to get them.
I don't ask for the most absurd.
Just some ridiculous pining for certain food and super tender loving care without questions asked.
Maybe the characters on television are too fake for real life. How those self sacrificial spouses who go all the way to give and provide.
Are your husbands like that when you were pregnant?
Or you have partners who sigh out loud and make faces when you ask to eat some weird food day in and out?
Do you have partners who think you are the most ridiculous pregnant woman in the world; one who cries almost every day?
I doubt my self worth everyday.
So much so that I've forgotten how important I had been once in the life of my own. The grandeur I've felt about myself seems like something that happened in my past life.
I know that happiness is a choice. And so are many things in life.
We make the wrong move; mourn over it a little while, and move on.
The only reason why I'm always stuck in the rut... I could never understand why.
Sometimes I really wished I could start over.
On a clean slate.
This time I'll never have let my mental state get this bad.
I'd have created a different history altogether.
One where I'd still feel important in my own way; if not a special someone.
One where I'd never hear snide remarks almost every other day... And yet being told that I'm too sensitive and imagining things.
Maybe I really am.
Imagining things.
Maybe I just have to wake up from my imagination and smell the dead rats.
There's no coffee.
There's just a stack of shit waiting.