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My Tw|t Garden
Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Been painting this nice picture in my mind:




Our three beautiful children playing together in the spacious living room of our beautiful new house... lots of sunshine and laughter in the background... Chris and I sitting comfortably on the sofa, holding hands and laughing at a joke that he just made.




Positive vibes.




It made me happy for two days. And its still doing its magic.




I've been reading this book about THOUGHTS.




How thinking about things alone could make miracles - or rather; stuffs that you wish about, happen.




Of course you need concentration. Full concentration. No careless mistakes allowed.




I've been thinking good thoughts.




Thoughts that would make me happy.




It seems to be working really well.




Better than Prozac.




I told you I could help myself.




I'm not gonna sit and wait for my sanity to rot.




Really.




If anyone out there reading this is facing similar issues...




I urge you to do the same. Help yourself. No one else could.




On a darker note...




I had a weird dream last night.




I dreamt that some other guy was in love with me... and I seem to be reciprocating his feelings.




To sum up the long, romantic dream...




I had this very vivid and real emotion that made me wake up with tears in my eyes.




That of GUILT.




The terrible feeling of falling in love with someone you shouldn't, and yet refusing to let go of the other one you are bound to.




I told Chris about the dream.




He says I never tell him about my dreams; why this?




I told him... that for that fraction of my life... I got to feel exactly how he felt when he was with you-know-who.




Oh gosh the feeling was terrible.




So in love; yet so sad. I couldn't be truly happy with the other man... because the guilt was eating me up.




I didn't tell Chris (most likely it's my ego at work), but I'm darn sure I'll never let this happen in reality.




The guilt alone would be enough to put a stop to silly mistakes like such.




Though I had to admit - it was a nice dream. That guy was really nice... handsome, self-sacrificing, romantic, protective... I could go on forever.




I already have a man like this. I just had to help bring out the best in him.




I'm thinking about that picture of a happy family again.




I'm glad I bought that book.




:)