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Casino Spiele

My Tw|t Garden
Sunday, August 22, 2010

This app is so cool. I can blog thru it and won't have to wait long time for the uploads to complete when I don't get good Internet access!

Digressions aside, I watched a wonderful story last night. I can't imagine how much it has affected my train of thoughts. It has triggered some emotions I never thought possible... The possibility of prematurely ending my hatred for another person.

Yes, I know that God forgives without a ledger; any repentant son of His is forgiven no matter how great the sin. Yet we as human; we lack the divine power to do so... We are bound by our earthly emotions; so great are our humanly ego - we cling on to cancerous emotions until God calls us home.

And when that happens - we let go. All of us do; in the end. Enemies make peace, family reconcile, shitload of money donated away... It depends on what you cling on to... Ultimately... We still have to let go... Because we bring nothing after death, no hatred, no love, no money... Only an empty shell to start all over; as His child, his disciple in life, and to learn all over again what it means to be free.

Intriguing thought... Can't believe a movie could provoke such intense revelation of the truth.

Maybe just one day... I would be able to put a stop to my misery... Kill the hatred prematurely... Stop my foolish persistence of hating that fella... because I won't wanna wait till I'm near death... it's too silly to hold on to something that wouldn't last forever. Nothing does anyway.

Then again, how do I separate my earthly emotions from divine forgiveness? Does she even need my forgiveness? Maybe she didn't even bother one single bit... Maybe she thinks she was never wrong to start with. Maybe. But when it comes to the end, dear filthy lass, you'd want to reconcile with your guilt, and when that time comes, you'd wish you had done it when you could've.

I'm going to start now, lest I miss my boat. First off; I thank you for making me realize that nobody is infallible. Especially myself.

Then I thank you for stirring up feelings I have for my husband which I never knew existed.

I thank you for making my husband realize that the only person who'd stand by him is me.

And I thank you, for giving us the many wonderful, loving years ahead of us that I've yet to experience... Because without your intrusion, we'd never have found each other the way we had... Without your trespassing, we'd never have experienced this love so deep and strong.

Thanking you is a start of my letting go; I'm not going to wait till the end. I learn from other people's mistakes.

And I will live better.