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Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Never a fan of August 24th.




Not since I decided that I'm better off celebrating national day than my own birthday.




Somehow I really thought I would enjoy it this year. Did I foretell my own fate? Or was it another self fulfilling prophecy?




I'm not really interested. Just adamant not to be so naive in the future many years till I pass on.




Thanks all, for the wonderful well wishes and birthday gifts. Thank you Chris, for trying so hard. Thank you dear Lord, for getting me back on ground zero, because getting high on adrenaline is not a good thing. Shortlived even.




Every minute I should be focussing on what I should be thinking... And not be dazzled by the fanciful. I was and regretted it now. Keep focussing, Sam... Because one day you will see light. I know it. I so so know it for a fact.




How not to feel low... I'm not really sure... But what I do know, is I still have many more August 24ths to come... And I have gotta find a way to make people forget that I was ever born.




Oh I really feel like bursting into tears now. My weak mind at work again. The only solace...




Is that I know I am somehow, still much more blessed than I credit myself for. How is it that I pulled through months and months of low without a high? It's miraculous. The only casualty being my weight; I binged a bit. Well, okay... A lot.




No more for now. No more lows, no more binging.





Next year, when my August 24th comes, I'll be ready.




This is my last 20's birthday; and my last miserable one. Because next year, I'll skip August 24th altogether. I'll hide and pretend to be missing for a day....




Just so that misery would not come a knocking on my door... And tell me that it came because of August 24th.




I hate birthdays.




Okay. Only mine.