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Casino Spiele

My Tw|t Garden
Wednesday, July 28, 2010

You know how celebrities cook up scandals to make themselves famous. I think humans are made in such a way that you are only famous when you:

1. Did something morally wrong
2. Have a more than unusual miserable life
3. Are suffering a fate worse than any innately possible circumstance

You know me because I have a miserable (or so I thought) life.

You are interested because reading about me makes you feel far much better than you actually are.

You follow me because my existence in your life proves that SHIT happens. And you are not alone.

I'm okay with this. And I want to let you know that, really. Shit happens all the time.

My readership actually hit the roof on the days I went berserk. This I am not sure whether to laugh or cry.

But I'm definitely sure that I have a bunch of secret/ open readers with whom I could share my scandal with; albeit less glamorous.

I'm good. Everyone (open/ secret). I'm good.

Just another regression that I'd wished wouldn't.

My therapist instructed me to continue torturing my poor husband. Only because I told her I don't wish to stop.

By not stopping, I have given up the right to happiness, to dreamless sleep, to see the pot of GOLD at the end of the rainbow.

She was dead serious when she told me to continue what I'm doing right now. I'll tell you what I'm doing.

I'm not letting go of the past because I want to have a hold on the man I said i love. I want to torture him and cause him pain like the kind of pain I felt and am still feeling, until I deem fit. I want to make his life so miserable, he'd wish he hadn't. But heck. I want to stop.

She didn't teach me how.

The tortured man says forgiveness is the key. True forgiveness.

I say... HOW?

I need a religion.


Lest the can of worms decides to crawl out again and eat my bird brain up. For good.

If flesh and blood human can't help. Something spiritual might just do.

Fact is... I don't hear from God quite often nowadays. Maybe the evil is too overwhelming - clouding my sanity and hearing ability.

I very much prefer death anytime.

Still... onwards I trudge. Gotta have FAITH FAITH FAITH!

Aw shucks... really darn glad the tortured man is still holding my hand.

I owe you. ♥