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Thursday, July 8, 2010
When you feel like dying all the time... do you actually seek Death itself?
Suicide is so rampant these days... it pains me to see people not cherishing the lives that were given to them; even if it was at a cost. I remember one time, in my secondary school days... a language teacher posed a question to the whole class; "In what circumstance would you commit suicide?" I've forgotten the reason the discussion escalated to that depressive state, but I remembered I wasn't paying attention; I was talking to another classmate. That pretty language teacher called my name (only because I was not attentive), and asked for my opinion. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE QUESTION WAS. Since no one wanted to help... I decided to own up and confess that I wasn't listening. She repeated the question; eying me reproachfully. Without batting an eyelid... I told her that IN NO CIRCUMSTANCES WOULD I EVER CONSIDER SUICIDE AS MY OPTION OF PROBLEM RESOLUTION. She was taken aback; and probed further. I told her that suicide is an act of cowardice, and if people had the courage to bring themselves to jump from the 20th floor... they should jolly well take THAT courage to live on and face the music (whatever melody it is). I was so sure of myself then... ... so sure. Now... I'm not too certain I feel that way anymore. Dying and seeking Death seems so much easier... so much more... simplified. No more pain, sorrow, agony, frustrations, disappointments. No more difficult roads to walk... no one to worry about forever. Suicide is NOT an act of cowardice. It is an ACT OF DESPAIR. It is so so scary when hope is lost. No one can carry on when HOPE is taken away from them. The reason why you are still alive is because you're still hoping; for a better tomorrow, for that December bonus, for that little baby to be born next January... The reason why they are dead... they don't hope anymore. They wake up every morning wishing they were invisible; that is if they even manage to get to sleep. They have nothing to look forward to... and their minds are on only one thought; to disappear forever from the surface of any planet. This way... all their problems would be solved - by eradicating their own existence... they've completed 'payback', they would relinquish all responsibilities. Sad thing is... someone has to carry on their responsibilities, continue their 'payback', solve their unsolved problems... Suicide... is the end of your difficult life journey; but the beginning of another loved one's agony. I think about this all the time... and I'm still quite sure I'm not going to opt for the 'highway' anytime soon. HOPE is always there; I simply have to open my eyes and take notice of it. Gosh. I am so in need of my Prozac. |