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Casino Spiele

My Tw|t Garden
Saturday, July 24, 2010

It brought us closer, but it has undeniably tortured my soul till today: answer to ur first thought.

Do u love me more or urself, since u forced me to say that one word I hate to say... U left me with nothing else to say except 活该 cos I felt abandoned, misunderstood. I didn't ask u to leave. Only beg u to visit the hospital as little as u possibly can, if u feel even the least bit of more love to me than urself; u would understand my agony and fear of u bumping into her, rather than thinking that I stifle and restrict u. Answer to ur second thought.

If u loved me more than urself, u'd leave even without me saying anything. If u loved me more than urself, u'd never had felt restricted. U'd have felt pain and sorrow for my insecure soul.

I never doubted the fact that I love u more. Ever. Because if I had loved myself more... I'd have left u two years ago. I hung on... Not because of Isaac or that I had no one else... I hung on because I worried u can't continue life alone. I worried no one would be there to dress ur wounded soul. But in the midst of it all, my tortured soul continues to be hit over and over again.

U will never understand. I've realized today. Never. Because u were never hurt the way I was. Like a man I used to like once told me... U'll never know the pain of betrayal until u get betrayed.

My wound is infested with maggots.

My heart shattered to millions of pieces.

My body is cold and bruised.

And I'm still trying to love u.

Do u even appreciate that?

No. Because in the end, I am still stifling u, still restricting u, still causing u to sacrifice all that u deem important. I'm tired, but I won't give up. Because I had never given up anything my entire life. I will follow this marriage thru like a real warrior should; sans my sanity.