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My Tw|t Garden
Thursday, June 10, 2010

Not without a fight.



Yes. Not going to go down without one.



It was four in the morning when I woke up and fought. Terrible urge to succumb to the freaking temptation. As I sat on the sofa staring at the ticking clock... I realized how weak my will was... To win this war.



I seem almost addicted to the pain and sorrow... The bitterness on my tongue tasted almost wonderfully satisfying to my weathered soul.



Is this what is? This distorted, freakish addiction to pain?



Is this it for the rest of my life?



Hell no. My life is looking too good to simply waste it on rehab.



So there I was again, five in the morning, bathing to jolt the fighting spirit awake.



It helped a little... But I wished I could wake my husband up to walk me through the minefield.



Sigh.



I was told to break the chain... The one thing that's keeping me from walking forward...



I have the tool, but do I have the strength?