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My Tw|t Garden
Sunday, June 6, 2010

I am looking forward to the day when I can appreciate the word 'nostalgia'.



Because when I look back at my life right now, there is absolutely nothing nostalgic about it. How sad to realize that there had been nothing but pain and sufferings... childhood, adolescence, teenage, early adulthood... Sigh!



What little fun I had as a person, I reckon I'd already attributed them to 'fluke fun', nothing to be nostalgic about. I'd strived my whole 29 years of life trying to live up to my own goals and dreams, pursuing stuffs that I deem so important to personhood...



So focused, yet I led a pitiful life...



Is this how you are living your life?



I hope not.



Because now, I'm so much happier, free of goals and dreams... only wanting to be alive.



For my husband...



My children...



My family...



myself.



Nothing is really more important than to seize the day like there is no tomorrow. If there IS no tomorrow... goals and dreams don't really matter anymore don't they?



God, if this is what You have been trying to get to me... I'm sorry I took so long to finally get it.



People out there are looking at timeline after timelines... deadline after deadlines... (inspired by some good friend who gives us timelines to follow when we 'fix appointment' with him for gathering)... loosen up and slow down to smell the roses... because... if today were to be your last... I'm sure you wouldn't mind another hour with good company like us...



If there is not one soulmate you've found... it is not really the end of the world... because if its LOVE you are looking for... you have love amongst friends and family... that is all that you need.



If betrayal is on your list of hate... then its time to let go of the hatred and forgive... because there won't be another TOMORROW for you to waste cursing.



Am I still cursing? Probably... but everyday I wake up regretting that I did not love him more than I curse him...



And everyday... I realized the limited time I have with him... and how much it had been wasted, and I'm still wasting...



I'm no Christian... but I pray for strength to hold up what I promised myself...



... that life is too short to waste... that right now, in front of me... is a bed of roses I have to smell and enjoy... and hopefully... because I made an effort to do this... his anger would finally go away.



I have nothing to hide, and I don't wanna hide anything from you.



What you see is what you get, baby. Really.



And if there is another man... you will be the first to know...



But I doubt this day would come. Really really.