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Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Sigh. Had just written the longest entry in my secret sojourn.
Couldn't share it with all, but still felt like sharing at least something to make myself feel better; knowing that others know.
I guess that particular entry reflected my mood for the past month. The mode I was in was literally 'black & white' - the past.
Not that I wanted; but things simply happened.
I know its wrong to pinpoint someone using his past mistakes, so I'm not going to do that and risk his reputation.
But how do I tell him the intensity of my pain - as it still lives within?
I know why he couldn't afford any mistakes now - because I felt I had been wronged and I deserve everything right now.
But he's human afterall - and he's trying; I know that too.
It simply angers me that I just couldn't be the person I wanted to be - magnanimous, loving free soul who'll give without asking for anything in return.
I still blame him. I know now. Refused to admit but I still do.
I told him the other day we talked. And even thereafter - I still blame him.
I might even be doing that for the rest of my life... and I don't really want that.
It hurts to be living in hatred...
when all you want... is to love him.
Couldn't share it with all, but still felt like sharing at least something to make myself feel better; knowing that others know.
I guess that particular entry reflected my mood for the past month. The mode I was in was literally 'black & white' - the past.
Not that I wanted; but things simply happened.
I know its wrong to pinpoint someone using his past mistakes, so I'm not going to do that and risk his reputation.
But how do I tell him the intensity of my pain - as it still lives within?
I know why he couldn't afford any mistakes now - because I felt I had been wronged and I deserve everything right now.
But he's human afterall - and he's trying; I know that too.
It simply angers me that I just couldn't be the person I wanted to be - magnanimous, loving free soul who'll give without asking for anything in return.
I still blame him. I know now. Refused to admit but I still do.
I told him the other day we talked. And even thereafter - I still blame him.
I might even be doing that for the rest of my life... and I don't really want that.
It hurts to be living in hatred...
when all you want... is to love him.