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My Tw|t Garden
Sunday, April 11, 2010

It hasn't really been a good two weeks...

Many things have been reminding me of my downfall and the demise of the old Sam. I wonder if you've had enough of reading about my roller coaster moods and writings... I'm starting to get rather sick and irritated with myself.

Why can't I just live and let live? Why can't I?

I told him to bear with me for a while, be patient while I try to douse the dampened mood with fire... He didn't give me the answer I wanted to hear... Instead, he gave me what I needed to know - that it's not just me in this universe who needs support in my lowish stage of life... That he too, needs some encouragement sometimes.

I was initially upset. That I didn't get words of love and affirmation; then I realize, that there really is a limit as to how much nonsense a man could take. Too much of bumming him off and too many crying spates might simply kill the passion. So who should I look for to regain my strength?

Why do I get lost so often? Why does the faith in me sway ever so frequently?

Do I believe? I do... It's just sometimes, I don't think I have enough of strength left to fight for what I believe in.

Watching THE LEGION last night made me think a bit.

I know God would never have lost faith in mankind, what happened in the show, I believe is God's way of ridding evil, of rebooting, of starting all over.

A baby gives new blood, new life. True the ridding process might not be too beautiful; it's nasty, but it did make an impact to those who'd survived didn't it?

My baby should have given me new blood. The fact that I brought it to this world proves life has changed, my future is re-written. There is no way I'm going back to the time of pain and sorrows. There is no way I'm going to create another life of pain and sorrows.

I must step out of this mode! Two weeks is really too long.

Must keep the faith. I must.

But can I cry one last time before I do?