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My Tw|t Garden
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Thanks for all your concern

The past weeks have been trying for me...



The stresses of life is getting to me... and this might hopefully be the only reason for my constant picking on him.



I didn't think I was though, I thought I was just expressing my views so I don't bottle everything inside... it was what he told me to do.




Finally, after all that has been said and done... a human is still a human... his priority came first, his pride came first... just like mine.



Would there be anyone who'd do that all the time; put the loved ones in first priority above his/her own needs?



I believe that people do... just not consistently.



And when there're inconsistencies... the standard is not maintained... and cracks result.



I was so disillusioned... so deprived of hope... that this would be a permanent status.



Do I compare him with the Chris of the past? I don't deny that; its hard not to. I still bear the scar and pain afterall.



Isn't this unfair for him? Agree; then again, was I even fairly treated?



All that I ask of him; is time for me - and this divides into:

  1. getting a helper (so we can have more time for ourselves)
  2. less gaming/gadgets (so we can spend more time together)
  3. help with my work (so I can get it done soon and then we can spend time together)
  4. control his anger (so that we won't waste precious time sulking alone - thus more TIME)


Which part of asking a lot is this? When the ultimate message is MORE TIME FOR ME?



I'll never get this... cos this is one issue that has been present in the past present and inevitably the future.



I really have to simply shut up and learn to live with it... and as I do... the love would ultimately fade... then... I really don't know what to do anymore.



I ask more and more of him... and what improved amount of quality time he gave me, I simply request for more... it's really impossible to say no to more couple time isn't it? But he'd get tired of satisfying this primary need. Its a bottomless pit.



Which is why... I'm going to scrape this need altogether.



Scrape scrape. GOne with the needy arse of a damsel.



If this works... without jeopardizing our love for each other... I'll be contented.



I just want him to be happy...



While pursuing my needs...



I forgot that his exists.



Don't compare him with his past, Sam... just see him as he is now... reboot, reconfigured, reborn.