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My Tw|t Garden
Friday, January 29, 2010
What the heart tells me the mind doesn't

Had wanted a relaxing and fun week with Chris, but we ended up stressed over lotsa things including buying clothes for the children, lack of energy, slow, dim-witted drivers on the road, etc, etc.



Still, it was good fun most of the times, and knowing out little squabbles always end up well tells me how much our relationship has changed for the better.



My therapist tells me I should not increase my expectations of him simply because he's changed for the better; Man is a greedy being. I should curb this urge to demand more of him.



I told him that I feel miserable all this time, and he was surprised; thinking that all is well in my diseased mind. Truth is, for the past two years I've been secretly nursing the hurt and pain that seems determined to stay permanent resident inside of me.



I didn't want to tell him, but his getting the backlash of my misery is simply too much, too unfair. I didn't know what else to do...



God's gift to me - determination. And I'm making sure I use it in this marriage. I don't want to try. I want to succeed. As of now, stat, I'm going to clear my mind of rubbish. Stop looking at rubbish. And stop listening to rubbish. No trying. Only doing.



... But why do I feel so uncertain?



Sigh.