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October 2009
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Monday, December 28, 2009
This is what is
I've realized that I'm gradually not asking for anything in return for the love I give. Sometimes, selfish thoughts do come to mind... like why am I always the one giving massages and never getting one... and why he doesn't wake up to help me in the night...
But I seem to be conquering these thoughts in recent days. The magic potion? Unconditional love. Last night, I cried for no reason again. In his arms no less. I can't explain the intense feeling I felt that instant. But today, I think I know what made me... I was mourning. For what could have been. Sometimes, fleeting memories come to mind; one part of me was grateful for the change, both in him and me... another part of me clings on to the regret that comes with what is. The regret that we could have been happy together even without any life-changing dramas. The regret that I wasn't what I am now... a person who knows unconditional giving. It's hard, yet I make a conscious effort not to compare my efforts with his. I want to give him the best love anyone could give. The type of love that children see in their parents... the kind that knows no boundaries... the metaphor of God's love... It takes time to learn... but I'm determined that in this life with him, this is the kind of love I will give. I'll be his guardian angel, his sunflower in the meadow... ... his everything. |