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Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Pondering Thoughts
Made a huge mistake.
Shouldn't have...
I'm asking too much of him.
Human like to take advantage of situations and make full use of their upper hand. Now that I reflect upon my own behavior... I really shouldn't have.
This weekend must have been quite unpleasant for him... considering that my demands for a perfectly formed husband (in my context) was way out of line. I'm sure he felt that way. Maybe he's too kind not to tell me that.
I was feeling so guilty about having made him do stuffs he's not really interested in, I actually felt worse than having him not do all these stuffs!
I guess this is love?
Him wanting me to be happy and so he trudge on even though it confuses him... and me thinking about his happiness before mine... albeit a tad late.
Sigh, sometimes, out of love, people tend to feel like giving the best to their spouses... only to find that the 'best' in their context, may not be the 'best' in the other party's context.
Maybe this is where the problem lies, Chris.
Your jokes are really funny... only if they're not at the expense of my brittle heart and ego. Okay... if I weren't so egoistic, maybe even those at the expense of me would have been funny too. Still, having you to watch your words (even though is possible) would take a lot of your energy... and this I wouldn't like... cos it'd make you unnatural and self-conscious. So, to have the best of both worlds, I've come to a conclusion:
I'd do something about my insecure state of mind.
But I need you to hang in there... cos it might not be easy for me, preserving my dignity and self-respect may be a value I refuse to compromise, but I'd just take what you say as what it always is: just a joke. Maybe this would trick my brain into telling me that I'm not throwing away my deep-seated value of respect from the spouse.
I'm just glad you love me enough to feel perplexed about hurting me.
I am.
Shouldn't have...
I'm asking too much of him.
Human like to take advantage of situations and make full use of their upper hand. Now that I reflect upon my own behavior... I really shouldn't have.
This weekend must have been quite unpleasant for him... considering that my demands for a perfectly formed husband (in my context) was way out of line. I'm sure he felt that way. Maybe he's too kind not to tell me that.
I was feeling so guilty about having made him do stuffs he's not really interested in, I actually felt worse than having him not do all these stuffs!
I guess this is love?
Him wanting me to be happy and so he trudge on even though it confuses him... and me thinking about his happiness before mine... albeit a tad late.
Sigh, sometimes, out of love, people tend to feel like giving the best to their spouses... only to find that the 'best' in their context, may not be the 'best' in the other party's context.
Maybe this is where the problem lies, Chris.
Your jokes are really funny... only if they're not at the expense of my brittle heart and ego. Okay... if I weren't so egoistic, maybe even those at the expense of me would have been funny too. Still, having you to watch your words (even though is possible) would take a lot of your energy... and this I wouldn't like... cos it'd make you unnatural and self-conscious. So, to have the best of both worlds, I've come to a conclusion:
I'd do something about my insecure state of mind.
But I need you to hang in there... cos it might not be easy for me, preserving my dignity and self-respect may be a value I refuse to compromise, but I'd just take what you say as what it always is: just a joke. Maybe this would trick my brain into telling me that I'm not throwing away my deep-seated value of respect from the spouse.
I'm just glad you love me enough to feel perplexed about hurting me.
I am.