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My Tw|t Garden
Monday, November 23, 2009
The past revisited.

Was so messed up Saturday night that I sort of mis-posted my private entry to this one. Removed the moment I realised it.



Hopefully didn't do much damage. But he read it anyway. Then he told me he had this fleeting thought... to release me of my pain. The words... when they came out of his mouth... my heart ached... a lot.



I realised that even though sometimes, things may seem so bleak that I feel like throwing in the towel... I still couldn't bring myself to imagine a life without him. Some people may say its habit. To me, it's more than a habit.



Its a lifetime of promise I've given to him, and myself... to love and to hold, till death do us part.



I remembered the day I told him I wish to be his guardian angel for life, even though I may not be the one he loves, or chose. Even if death separates us... I'd transform into a butterfly and guard his brittle heart till he dies.



I promised this and I'm not going to break it.



It was a sad day for us. Him - looking at me the way I behaved... staring at the window, forcing a smile, dreamy in a bad way. Me - thinking of evil thoughts, trying to smile through the piercing pain memories evoked, lost in evil thoughts.



I hate this part of the healing. The revisiting of hurt and pain.



But he came through for me.



He said he'd do this for a zillion times until I'm finally okay.



Till I'm finally free...



Of the past.