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Casino Spiele

My Tw|t Garden
Saturday, November 14, 2009
cold, cold, reflection

We went to the airport earlier today... had some nice finger-licking food and photo taking.



While Isaac was busy throwing ping pong balls to his Daddy, I noticed our reflection in the cold, cold glass wall opposite us. Chris and I... standing there... in translucence... then it dawned on me how lucky I was to still be standing beside him, even though it didn't look right; it really didn't. It was as if some other human form should make up that space beside his...



I was lucky... even though I didn't deserve the pain and betrayal... I was lucky to still be existing... in his life... beside him...



This picture of translucence... this fallacious fit... can't get out of my mind for some time...



Sometimes... it's really hard not to let it go... why am I clinging on to the dagger that's stabbing me? This profound and mysterious question often eludes me... its like I am addicted to the pain already... and I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms... the cost of wanting to remove the pain from my life...



Whatever it is... I'm still grateful for his requited love... the love that was lost... and found again...



The love... I'd been waiting for my whole life...



For this, I'll persevere.